Winter

Weathered leaflets of my joy 

Momma knows 

Each fall felt through the earth 

Memories once evergreen and pure

Worn by the world 

Once in a windy while they stir 

Wailing, I am still here 

Passerby's stroll along, 

Cursing the frost along their sole and the hail in their eyes

Barrenness never made for favorable conditions

But I promise you 

Snow will melt 

Spring will come 

And I will learn how to love again

Dream House

I think she said she needed a place where she could feel free

So I cleaned up the valleys of my heart and scoured mountain views in preparation for the house that would never be built

I had hoped that it’d be enough

But she was immeasurable

My love for her could not amount to the longing she had to live

My love for her could not compare to her dreams

My love for her could not compare to the love she had for the world

My love for her had her frigid in deprivation, had her heated by lust

My love, my love, my love

Won’t you come home 

4:16

The son has yet to rise and still

I am here

I've never been one to wait 

Always been one to weigh 

The cost and value of you

And though I wish for more 

I value what has come and though I had anticipated more 

I thrive

The inconsistency you brought me taught me fact 

Actions over words, you affirmed that 

And you confirmed the base of me 

Never had I questioned the worth of me 

Until you stood, solid, surprised and evaluated that which I was before you 

Your tongues

Murmuring softly in pythagoream,
No matter what you believe you gained, you lost

Substitutes understood small quantities of the love I have for you

And I crave you, still 

And you know not, still

I owe you more of me but this will have to do

.06

I remember when I had feelings for you and I remember when you dated my friend 

I remember blushing when they said your name and blushing more when they pointed out my blush and I remember feeling foolish 

I remember seeing you from across the way and I remember you walking happily past looking straight ahead and I was there
Watching, waiting, pining, understanding 

I remember when I found out her name and how I tried to feel her name imagining the way it felt on your tongue and I remember wondering if you'd remember me or my name
I mean I know we didn't talk much

But screw words,
I could never string them together the way she strung you; I'd never do that to you, I'd cry before I did you wrong and I ran out of tears long ago but I'm sure I could muster up a few from all the sorrows I've swallowed and now, years later, all the words I couldn't find are surfacing and I want so badly to tell you, 
We could've been great, we could've been happy, I could have loved you so hard
But the way our friendship is set up, see there's no room for error

No room for emotion 

No room for commotion

No room for what ifs and oh wells because that would mean the possibility of the thing and I'd rather know my place and be your friend than than waste our precious time fantasizing about the likelihood of you & I

You hear that? I would rather love you some than none at all and though I get so brazen I return behind these walls and die a little each time I recall what I would have done for you to look at me the way I look at you 

Still, I am such a fool 

.01

I like you better when my heart hits the floor and I'm left aghast at the mess you made out of me

But I know you hate how I'm like the ocean when all you really want to do is make your way through my deep seas 

and I want to caress you but my waves are too strong
and I know you love to give it all you got but I'll just swallow you up
and when you're on the floor trying to see light break
then
you'll know that I loved you best from afar