.06

I remember when I had feelings for you and I remember when you dated my friend 

I remember blushing when they said your name and blushing more when they pointed out my blush and I remember feeling foolish 

I remember seeing you from across the way and I remember you walking happily past looking straight ahead and I was there
Watching, waiting, pining, understanding 

I remember when I found out her name and how I tried to feel her name imagining the way it felt on your tongue and I remember wondering if you'd remember me or my name
I mean I know we didn't talk much

But screw words,
I could never string them together the way she strung you; I'd never do that to you, I'd cry before I did you wrong and I ran out of tears long ago but I'm sure I could muster up a few from all the sorrows I've swallowed and now, years later, all the words I couldn't find are surfacing and I want so badly to tell you, 
We could've been great, we could've been happy, I could have loved you so hard
But the way our friendship is set up, see there's no room for error

No room for emotion 

No room for commotion

No room for what ifs and oh wells because that would mean the possibility of the thing and I'd rather know my place and be your friend than than waste our precious time fantasizing about the likelihood of you & I

You hear that? I would rather love you some than none at all and though I get so brazen I return behind these walls and die a little each time I recall what I would have done for you to look at me the way I look at you 

Still, I am such a fool 

.01

I like you better when my heart hits the floor and I'm left aghast at the mess you made out of me

But I know you hate how I'm like the ocean when all you really want to do is make your way through my deep seas 

and I want to caress you but my waves are too strong
and I know you love to give it all you got but I'll just swallow you up
and when you're on the floor trying to see light break
then
you'll know that I loved you best from afar